reflecting
Every year on my birthday, I dedicate some time to reflecting on the last year. I typically block off a couple of hours to walk and talk with Jesus before sitting down with a journal to reflect on the growth, celebrations, heartaches, and all we've experienced together, and then look forward and dream together for the next year. This year’s reflection felt like turning a page to a brand new year, almost as if it were New Year’s Eve and I was closing the door to 24 and swinging wide open 25. I love this about birthdays and life with the Lord — He breathes on fresh starts and delights with us in our reflecting and dreaming.
I hold the secret place with the Father so near to my heart. It’s the most sacred space in my life, so I don’t often share the deep places he takes me. But, I will say, when we’re really in it, when my soul is fully at rest, he takes me to a garden we’re growing together. Just me and Jesus. He reveals so much to me in these precious pictures. I’m actually in the thick of writing a book that features ten of these scenes and walks through much of my life with the Lord, so I’m trying to press in and share more of them with you here. On my birthday a few weeks ago, four journal pages into my reflection from a long, hard, confusing, and unexpected year, it was such a gift that he took me to our garden again. Here’s what he showed me:
“Hey, come over here.”
He looks at me, and delight floods his expression as he waves me over. It’s so quiet and so still that I can hear the light breeze whistle across a leaf to my right. I notice how everything here is vibrant and green as I realize he’s never in a rush — his patience and calmness run so deep it’s like it washed over me the closer I got to him.
We’re in the middle of a forest with tall trees sweeping over us, swaying in the breeze as if they’re dancing because they’re in his presence. Wherever he is, there’s life. My soul exhales with gratitude that he is indeed everywhere.
When I get to him, he gently grabs my hand to lead the way, turning in places I didn’t expect or know to go, all places I’ve never seen before. Each unexpected detour became more beautiful as he touched it. I asked where we were going, and he responded so quickly it reminded me he always knows exactly what I’m going to say. I’ll never comprehend this love.
“Do you trust me?” he replied. I told him yes, without hesitation and with all my heart. Just as I said it, the forest opened up to the most beautiful lake I’d ever seen. “I know you feel the closest to me when you’re near the water, so I wanted to spend the day here with you.”
My eyes welled with tears as he reminded me that he’s my very best friend. There’s nothing and no one more worthy to set all my hope in — to give all my life for. I long for the day when an afternoon by the lake with him is eternity.